Despite my passion for fruit, children, loins, and poop…sorry.  Despite my passion for writing, I don’t do it very often for recreation or personal enjoyment.  So I decided to do a week of writing, devoting one measly hour a day for five days of the week to writing whatever my gargantuan heart desired (little heart is overused, and I think mine is big for my person.  Just a theory) desired.

It turned out well.  Here are a few pieces that I wrote.  I hope you enjoy them.  If not, I enjoyed writing them, and that’s what this week was about, doing something that lets me feel like I’m adding something to the world.  Letting myself create.

The Real Tyler J. Morgan

Tyler J. Morgan Poem

Before his three week vacation Tyler J. Morgan said,
“I’m leaving, but don’t worry, I’ll leave a horse in my stead.”
His co-workers were a bit concerned
but Tyler assured them, “By this weekend he’ll have his spot more than earned.”
He does dishes, guts fishes, he even grants wishes.
“You’ll thank me soon enough.” Tyler J. Morgan guaranteed,
not knowing that he’d soon be completely replaced by the steed.

Three weeks came and went by
but nobody, not even Mrs. Morgan started to cry.
The horse was greeted daily with a, “Tyler, hey.”
To which he’d kindly shake his head and reply, “Nayyy.”
No difference could be told between boy and horse,
so everybody continued on their current course.
Dishes were cleaned
and fish gutted at the seam.
One woman was heard to say, “Tyler, how your eyes gleam!”
“Nayyyy.” the horse replied,
blushing and wide eyed.

With his vacation done
Tyler J. Morgan returned from the fun.
However, things had changed,
Tyler’s life had been rearranged.
Instead of his bed, a TV, and cable,
his room appeared a horses stable.
His co-workers stared strangely,
as Tyler J. Morgan entered the restaurant Grangeley.
“Get out of here.” they yelled
as if put under a spell.
“Get rid of that horse.” Tyler replied.
“Really, has nobody cried?”
As Tyler bent down to pick up a straw of hay
he heard a single, “Nayyyy.”

Squirmy Worm Bait

Bob’s fishing pole was all he had. Everything else he didn’t need. Elaine, Bob’s wife, explained this to him some time ago, a short time ago, yesterday, and a minute ago as she packed their belonging in her suitcase. Lifting the overall blue jeans she’d bought Bob on his birthday last year under the light, she said, “Yeah, these will fit Francis perfectly.”

Hearing her voice, Bob nodded his head in ignorant agreement. He was annoyed with Elaine seeing as how her suitcase clutter made reaching his tackle box difficult.

That was a special day for Bob. The Northern Sea Bass were rumored to be arriving which meant the river across town, where Bob usually fished, but seldom caught due to “stiff competition,” would be his for the picking. “Giddy up,” Bob thought, “Here I come, like a bass-out-of-hell.” Quoting an album by that “manly sounding meatpatty” singer, as he put it, and using the word bass in the same sentence led Bob to lift his head and snicker in prideful admiration of his wit.

“You hear that sweet cheeks, I’m off to a good start already. Them fish are going to jump right into my plastic holding bag. I can just feel it,” Bob said lowering his head to work on setting a series of hooks on his line. “We’s going to feast tonight.”

Though very aware of Bob’s enthusiastic statements, Elaine was too busy cutting her husband’s face out of their wedding pictures to respond. Francis didn’t have a job so there would be no wedding, much less wedding pictures in the near future. They’d have to make due with Elaine and Bob’s set, a bit of glue and some creative scissor-work. Elaine didn’t mind though. Francis had already given her a gold laced, partially encrusted, and soon to be mounted crystal ring.

“Get the fire going babe. I’ll be back in a minute with some meat. For the bible says that men shall not live off of bread always,” Bob quoted. He was now even more confident in his fishing abilities as he’d produced a second witty quote in a matter of minutes, a sure sign of the good karma the day had brought. Pushing a suitcase full of his own under pants to the side, Bob bounded out of the house geared in plastic overalls and holding his lucky pole.

Finding that Elaine had not packed his squirmy worm bait as usual, Bob

Short Story

attempted for hours to fish with a piece of bread his neighbor’s five year old son, Billy Joe, had brought. “All that good karma just shot down the john by Elaine’s thoughtlessness,” Bob said to Billy Joe, who didn’t respond. Bob continued to show his frustration saying, “I swear she’s living in another world.” Billy Joe nodded as he was the only other person at the river and felt obligated to acknowledge Bob somehow despite not understanding Bob’s frustration. Billy Joe’s attention however, was short lived. The five year old had found a frog to play with and no longer felt compelled to listen to Bob.

Packing up and remembering how Elaine had forgotten to pack his squirmy worm bait, Bob acknowledged his defeat at the river, despite the fact that it wasn’t his fault. However, in a strange way, Bob realized that he’d actually accomplished exactly what he’d taught Elaine earlier that morning. “For man shan’t live off bread alone,” Bob said quietly. “It’s just like I said, not off of bread alone. And what did I fish with?” Bob asked himself. “Bread! I fished with bread alone.” Though both the fish, who wouldn’t bite his bread, and his wife, who didn’t pack his squirmy worm bait had betrayed him, Bob felt a sense of pride knowing that he’d spoken the truth.

Bob was frustrated with Elaine from the moment he’d stumbled over her bags and out of the house in the morning till the moment he came back fishless at night. “Well, you really did it this time,” Bob announced as he strutted through the door. Even as he said it though, he knew he’d better take it back. To Bob’s delight, Elaine had cleared out all those bags and the house now appeared much more open. “Tomorrow I won’t have to step over all that clutter to rig up my fishing pole. Tomorrow’s my day! Giddy up.” Bob thought.

“Well darlin’,” Bob said, while unknowingly stepping on a photograph cut-out of his own head, “you are something else cleaning up the house like this. I guess we’ll just have some beans and bread for dinner tonight. The river was crowded again.”

Elaine didn’t answer. Bob figured she must be sweeping up in back. Leaving Elaine to her work, Bob sat down on the couch to get an early start on his pole set-up for the coming day.

A Question of Gender

She could appear to be either in her surging strength or placid comfort,
But as I sit within bobbing as a one man boat in jagged waters
Her churning roar clutters my ear and wraps around my thoughts,
The stringed blue stings of her veins contort my once unknotted face.
And yet, day after day, from the hospice of a lone shore

A Question of Gender - Poem

Her roaring sounds a melody
Sung to my hung will.
And through sinking grains I run closer,
I Run,though her lapping waves will pull me down the  shore to deeper waters.

She calls me as only a woman could…

B – Avo Smoothie (avo, milk, sugar), Granola Bar

L – Brown Rice, Stir Fry (shoyu, sugar, water, green, yellow, orange pepper, leftover fajita chicken, onion), 1/2 avo

D – 2 Fajitas (tortilla, sour cream, guacamole w. lime, pepper and salt, red, yellow, green and orange pepper, onion, steak, cheese, lime)

S - Smoothie (milk, honey, banana, frozen fruit)

Thursday’s Menu

• B – Oatmeal w/ a Banana
• L – 2 Fajitas (yellow orange, green peppers,  chicken, cheese, avocado, sour cream, corn tortilla), avo smoothie (avocado, milk, sugar)
• D – Broccoli Soup (1 cup broccoli, 1/4 cup onion, 1/4 tsp. bouillon, 1 cup hot milk, 1/8 cup cheddar, 1 tsp. starch)
  

  Broccoli Soup in 10 minutes or less

• S – Smoothie (Banana, Frozen fruit -grape, peach, mango, milk, sugar)

Cost:

• Breakfast: $0.46
• Lunch: (already had a bunch of ingredients from Tuesday) $2.00+/-
• Dinner: $3.00
• Snack: $1.00

Total Cost: $6.46

My meals were pretty tasty today and the main lesson here is resist temptation.  She may have golden brown skin and shine like no other, but broccoli soup is pretty shiny herself (admitedly a very weak argument…and I’m not sure why every food I eat is female…that’s just how it is so please don’t ask me to change.  Eating male donuts just sounds wrong).

Wednesday’s Menu (and more tips for eathing healthy)

B – Avo shake (milk, 1/2 avo, raw sugar) $0.70, banana $0.30, edamame (boiled and salted soy beans) $0.30 – $1.30

L – Cafe Fresh Turkey Avo Wrap courtesy of my work (spinach tortilla, veginaise, lettuce, tomato, onion, avo, turkey) cantalope, melon, grapes. – $7.50

Tips for Eating Healthy - Fajitas

D – 4 Fajitas (2 each per person) – same ingredients and about the same cost as yesterday’s – $4.50

Total Cost – $13.30

Eating Healthy on a Budget…Tuesday

B – Oatmeal with half a banana (I just ate the other half, don’t worry Janelle – I’ve been talked to about saving old food).

L – 2 Fajitas (yellow, orange, green peppers, chicken, chedder cheese,

Eating healthy on a Budget - $5.86/day

avocado, sour cream, corn tortilla), avocado smoothie (milk, raw sugar, 1/2 an avocado)

D – 3 Leftover fajitas

S – Smoothie (banana, frozen fruit – grape, peach, mango, strawberry), milk, raw sugar.

Cost:

• Breakfast (0atmeal – $0.06/bowl, banana -$0.30, milk – $0.10) -$0.46
• Lunch (Yellow and orange pepper $0.60, green pepper – $0.20, chicken $2.00, cheddar cheese $0.25, avocado $0.50, sour cream $0.20, corn tortilla $0.05, avo smootie – milk $0.15, avo – $0.50, raw sugar – $0.05) – $4.50
• Dinner (leftover fajitas) all cost already calcualated in lunch
• Snack – 2 smoothies (frozen fruit – $0.50, milk $0.30, raw sugar $0.10) -$0.90

Eating Healthy on a Budget - Avo Shake

Eating healthy on a budget costed – $5.86 (hmmm…that’s about what I would’ve paid at Jack in the box for 1 meal)

Anyway, like I said, cost wise, it’s not hard to do.  Planning and preparation however is slightly different story… slightly.

Healthy eating plans were on-and-off in my head for the past couple of years. My dad had bypass surgery when I was in the sixth grade. That means I always eat the lean ham, egg and cheese Breakfast Jack at Jack in the Box…not the best of healthy eating plans, I’ll admit.  Anyway, it’s pretty safe to say that I’ve never gone a week making my own food and never eating out.  I just finished reading Michael Pollan’s “In Defense of Food,” which preaches the value of whole foods and more conservative eating habits (which I got the feeling could be summed up by saying do everything opposite of Americans), somewhat extreme healthy eating plans.  Now, I’ve been warned about fully buying into any extreme philosophies time and again by my dad, a conservative by any definition.  However, I couldn’t help but identify with a lot of the concepts he talked about which made me want to create some healthy eating plans of my own.

I’m not going to explain the whole book, however, if you’re the least bit interested in healthy eating plans of your own, I highly recommend reading it. What it did do was peak my curiosity to the point of defending food myself. It turns out that healthy eating plans aren’t too hard to stick to after all, or make up for that matter.  The following posts tell about a week of…healthy eating.

If you really need this legend. . .well, I’m just proud that you were able to get online.  So congratulations, and here it is:

B – Breakfast, L – Lunch, D – Dinner, S – Snack

Monday’s Healthy Eating Plans

B – 1 bowl Oatmeal, 7-9 cherries, edamame (soy) beans (15 or so)

Oatmeal with Cherries

L – Salad (cherries, cheddar cheese, lettuce, green, red, yellow pepper, cucumber), homemade strawberry vinegrette (sugar, olive oil, rice vinegar)

S – Naked Juice (thank you Janelle) Green Machine

D – Mandarin chicken (6 chicken strips, 1 can of mandarin orange with juice, shoyu (soy sauce), natural raw sugar, flower, green onion), brown rice, salad (cheese, lettuce, green, yellow, and red pepper), chipotle and lime dressing, V8 Fusion drink.

*Prices Coming Soon!

My bathroom time was cut significantly. My body felt better, cleaner even.  My mouth tasted cleaner.  I wanted to share what  I’d done, so I decided to write about it.

That led me to think that everybody has something to share.  We all have little “life experiments” that we’ve been itching to try, shaving all our body hair,  exercising in a fun way, meeting completely different kinds of people, or eating healthy.  Whether its for a few days or a week it’d be sweet if you shared it with others too.

So, if you have any ideas and would like to post your experience here, email me at aweekof@gmail.com.  And if you are planning on shaving all your body hair, lets keep the pictures to a minimum.